When my mother died unexpectedly, we, her four (adult) children, knew nothing about her wishes. Yes, she had a will, but it wasn’t specific and none of us had ever spoken to her about it in any detail. She left behind our childhood home filled with stuff. What did she want done with it? Her will only said everything was to be left to the four of us divided equally.

My mother had a collection of bells that she added to whenever she traveled and that we all contributed to when we traveled. We knew the collection was important to her, but it was not to us.

We stood in front of it, organized so neatly on a bookshelf, staring at it in our grief, immobilized. If only we knew what she wanted us to do. It was confusing, frustrating and sad. We had to make decisions we had no idea how to make and all while grieving her death.

This situation is all too frequent – deeply grieving but not knowing what to do because no conversation was had and no plan was left. Having a clear and complete end-of-life plan can be one of the best gifts to give to those you leave behind.